In a relationship context, I don’t know how to feel in control

“He explained the procedure for transferring the silver and asked, much do you need? I replied, thousand tons. Many troy ounces is that? he asked. In fact I did not know how to convert tons to troy ounces, and neither did he. In a relationship context, I don’t know how to feel in control w/o a thousand thoughts about gender roles, how I’m either just fulfilling them or trying to rebel against them, if not just biology, means I can’t see myself as the same as a partner. So I don’t know how to associate the same sort of love/trust with partners that I do with friends. I still wish someone could explain to me how they can do that, in a way that made sense to me, w/o me feeling like they’re simply ignoring the facts.

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